After some more work on my story, and a lot of not working because of being busy with my day job, I've been struck again with that same fear that seems to rise up once you get past any significant milestone. It's that horrible nagging feeling in the back of your head that makes you feel torn into pieces and a little schizophrenic. That feeling is doubt.
I wonder how often other writers encounter this phenomenon. I have heard some of my friends express some of the same feelings I have, though perhaps at different times and in different ways. It all boils down to doubt, though. Doubting your ability, doubting the story, doubting the characters, etc. I could go on and on, but I doubt that's necessary.
Ha ha.
It doesn't help that there are articles and other blog posts out there that tell you that books are on their way out, that not everyone should be a writer, that what you have won't be accepted or read by a handful of people, let alone the masses you're hoping to reach. The world is doubting you along with it. It's just natural. It feels as if the world of writing can sometimes be a world of pessimissim.
Sometimes. Not always.
It's times like these where I have a good therapy session with myself. I try to get back to the reason I'm writing. Am I hoping to one day be read by the masses? Sure. Am I hoping that books aren't on their way out and people will want to take a chance on me? Of course. But, that's not why I'm writing. I'm writing because I enjoy it, because, as annoying as they can be, I believe in my characters. Because, as silly as it can be sometimes, I have a few wonderful, shining moments where I see my story as good. Potentially great. I enjoy bringing a new world with new people to life, even if it's just for me and for the people in my inner circle who have been patient enough with me and my perfectionist ways to read what I've allowed them to read.
I love that moment when a character writes him or herself and you want to slap them for what they're about to do, but you're also proud that they're making the decision on their own - like a stubborn child that grew up supernaturally fast. I love when that slight stroke of genius comes over me when I finally realize how to get the story from Point A to Point B, and to do so without feeling like it's work. No amount of doubt can take away the fact that I enjoy doing it, that I enjoy creating new people, new places, and new problems for said people to get into in said places. Doubt, at that point, becomes nothing more than a mild annoyance.
Will whatever I'm writing become a huge success? Probably not. However, I will still be happy for having written it, and I will continue to write for as long as my brain allows. I hope all of my fellow doubtful writers feel the same.
