NaNoooo WriMore!

Sorry, guys. It's been a while. I'd love to tell you all that I spent the last several months traveling the world and writing volumes and volumes of world-changing prose. That would be a lie. An awesome one, but a lie nonetheless.

Still, I have been writing! That's a plus.

Hands-down the most productive month I had as far as my story is concerned was November. I've forgotten just how much I can get done when I have someone working with me and I have a deadline. It's a process I'm going to try to expand through December, and maybe my ultimate goal of being finished with this thing by the end of the year won't be such a pipe dream after all.

I never thought I would be able to write more than 20k words in a month. I don't think I've ever actually written 20k words in a month, but it always seemed easier to tackle than 50k. I'm always a self-editor. A horrible one. I've probably edited the mess out of this post before hitting that wonderful/terrifying "publish" button. November forced me to deal with that problem of mine and realize I need to scale back on my perfection issues. More than that, it showed me Ican scale back. It wasn't always easy and I wasn't always successful, but I managed.

I should say that I ended up adding 30k words to my story over the course of last month. I more than doubled where I had been prior to November 1st. More than that, I was actually pretty pleased with what I churned out. Sure, I know there should be a lot more edits down the road, but it made me move forward when I may not have otherwise. I could still be stuck back around the first few chapters debating about whether my main character should say something a little different. I was able to accomplish this because a friend of mine helped set smaller goals and we worked on them together.

Each Sunday we would sit down and write 5000 words. No matter what, we would work until we hit that mark. We could always edit after Sunday, but it made us write without over-thinking. The goal of 5000 was also further broken down into half-hour increments. Start at 11am, write until you get to 500 words, if not past 500 words at 11:30 keep going, get snack, etc. I was surprised the first go-round how well this worked. By 8pm I was almost 6000 words richer than I had been before. It may be small, but it's certainly an accomplishment for someone who overly thinks about each word she is writing.

These little spurts every week helped me relax a little and focus on the details throughout the rest of the week. It was such an awesome exercise that I think it's something I'm going to continue to incorporate for as long as I can. I never realized how useful having such a set routine could be. It may not work for everyone, but for anyone who may be struggling to get through a story because of their perfectionist ways, I strongly encourage you try it.

Doubt (Not the Oscar Winning Kind)

After some more work on my story, and a lot of not working because of being busy with my day job, I've been struck again with that same fear that seems to rise up once you get past any significant milestone. It's that horrible nagging feeling in the back of your head that makes you feel torn into pieces and a little schizophrenic. That feeling is doubt.

I wonder how often other writers encounter this phenomenon. I have heard some of my friends express some of the same feelings I have, though perhaps at different times and in different ways. It all boils down to doubt, though. Doubting your ability, doubting the story, doubting the characters, etc. I could go on and on, but I doubt that's necessary.

Ha ha.

It doesn't help that there are articles and other blog posts out there that tell you that books are on their way out, that not everyone should be a writer, that what you have won't be accepted or read by a handful of people, let alone the masses you're hoping to reach. The world is doubting you along with it. It's just natural. It feels as if the world of writing can sometimes be a world of pessimissim.

Sometimes. Not always.

It's times like these where I have a good therapy session with myself. I try to get back to the reason I'm writing. Am I hoping to one day be read by the masses? Sure. Am I hoping that books aren't on their way out and people will want to take a chance on me? Of course. But, that's not why I'm writing. I'm writing because I enjoy it, because, as annoying as they can be, I believe in my characters. Because, as silly as it can be sometimes, I have a few wonderful, shining moments where I see my story as good. Potentially great. I enjoy bringing a new world with new people to life, even if it's just for me and for the people in my inner circle who have been patient enough with me and my perfectionist ways to read what I've allowed them to read.

I love that moment when a character writes him or herself and you want to slap them for what they're about to do, but you're also proud that they're making the decision on their own - like a stubborn child that grew up supernaturally fast. I love when that slight stroke of genius comes over me when I finally realize how to get the story from Point A to Point B, and to do so without feeling like it's work. No amount of doubt can take away the fact that I enjoy doing it, that I enjoy creating new people, new places, and new problems for said people to get into in said places. Doubt, at that point, becomes nothing more than a mild annoyance.

Will whatever I'm writing become a huge success? Probably not. However, I will still be happy for having written it, and I will continue to write for as long as my brain allows. I hope all of my fellow doubtful writers feel the same.

Writer's Group Therapy

Hi. My name is Carrie, and I'm a writer.

I'm actually a great many things, but for the purpose of this post, I'm simply a writer. Then again, being a writer is never simple, is it? It's exhilarating, agonizing, energizing, and exhausting, plus so much more. Which is what brings me to today's topic, fellow readers and writers - the need for group therapy.

When I first started writing, I prided myself on my lone wolf tendencies. From what I've noticed of others around me, I wasn't the only one who attempted to be all secretive and solitary when slaving away on a new work. I thought that being a writer, and being a successful one at that, meant attempting to tap into your own creativity without the noise from others. I blame some of this on a creative writing class I had in college where the teacher was... well, some teachers are better than others. The rest of the blame, I know, goes to my late teens/early twenties pride and somewhat rebellious nature that sprouted a bit later than most. I didn't want anyone telling me what to do, how to write, or what was best for MY story. Then it didn't feel like mine, it felt like they were making it into something they would write instead of just a better version of its original self.

This is sometimes still a problem for me and, from what I've been told, a lot of writers. Having someone who doesn't know your characters or your plot half as well as you coming in and stomping around on your story is never fun. And that's how it feels at first - like a giant killjoy stomping on your poor fairyland forest of a story. It feels brutal, cruel, and unnecessary.

But then something happens that I came to realize perhaps far later than I should have. If the giant is trusted and good at what they do, and if the person doesn't want to just turn what you have into something they'd have written, the stomping feels less brutal. When the dust settles on your terrorized fairyland, you realize that they were only stepping on the dead weight and bugs of your plot. It's painful when you first start sending your work out to people and they have a desire to change this, that, or the other. Sometimes all three. Yet, after you try it a few times, it becomes less horrible. It no longer feels like some cruel monster upraising a perfectly perfect and beautiful thing that you created. It begins to feel natural. It's just a matter of getting to that point.

This is where having a small group of trusted fellow writers and friends comes very much in handy. I didn't start sharing my writing on a somewhat regular basis until I was 23 or 24, and by that point I had been writing short stories or unfinished novels for at least ten years. I formally joined two writing groups just within the past year, and have grown more fond of this not-so-lone-wolf way of doing things as each week passes. I've come to realize that these trusted friends aren't trying to turn my work into theirs. Not only do these writing groups encourage each individual to write what they want to write in their own voice, the discussions that sharing the work can lead to some necessary self-editing. It's not only useful in hearing what others have to say, but critiquing another story allows you to see what works and what doesn't and may force you to take a closer look at your own writing.

If writing groups are new, I say start small and start easy. One group I'm in (shout out Laura, Alana, and Brittney!) is more of an accountability group than a critique group. You can share if you want, but you don't have to. The purpose is simply to bounce ideas if necessary and to make sure everyone has time set aside to get from Point A to Point B in whatever they're working on. It's a great way to start testing the waters of sharing what you've written.

After becoming comfortable with sharing, then you can progress into more of a critique group (shout out to Josh, Raja, and Sabine!). It's in these groups that you'll not only be held accountable for writing, but you'll be held accountable for the quality of your writing. You'll also be exposed to other unedited works and you'll see what rules are good to follow in writing, what rules are okay to break, and what may work in one story but doesn't work in another. It takes some courage to join a group like this, but it will take a great deal more if you want to eventually have your story read by strangers. Start small and work your way up.

If anyone else has some writing group experience they'd like to share, good or bad, I'd love to hear it!

Head, Meet Desk

Still stuck.

On the plus side, I have had these moments many times before. I know where I need to go, I just need to figure out exactly how to get there. This is where my over analyzing everything comes into play. So, today's blog post is about perfectionism and the tireless, futile search for it.

I'm very sure that many, many writers, and just anyone in general, are overly critical of something (if not everything) they do. If it's something you want to devote your life to, then you become doubly so. Sure, there are outside pressures to be perfect and successful and all that, but most of it comes from some internal drive that tells you that you can't just be decent or good, you have to be great.

This is why I'm stuck.

It would be easy for me to just look at what I'm doing, shrug, write something inane down and continue to the next part that would come more freely. This is not an option. I'm going to use a terrible analogy here and say that writing something bad just to get to the easy part is like preparing for guests and cleaning your bathroom half-assed just so you can hurry up and prepare the wine and cake.

Now, I would LOVE to get to the wine and cake. I really would. But I would know that the bathroom of my story still looks like hell and people are going to see it. I can't let the bathroom of my story be seen by people, even if they aren't going to be staying in it very long and they surely know it can be cleaned eventually. That's not the point. That's the first impression they get of my story's bathroom.

So, instead, I'm the kind of person that will keep cleaning the bathroom, even once the guests have arrived and are wondering why we can't have fun yet. (I should mention that, in real life and not in a metaphorical way, this would never happen. Screw cleaning, I want wine and cake and general fun. This is still a metaphor. Just making sure we're still together.)

I'm now sounding mildly insane.

I know part of me should learn to let go. I know this is a valuable lesson in life for me, and for everyone with issues of perfection. The fact of the matter is, the bathroom of my story isn't going to be perfect unless professionals with professional tools get in there and help me do the job. So, obsessive bathroom cleaners, do you think it's time that we do what we can, acknowledge when it may be time to move on, and know that we can always go back to cleaning up the little mess we left behind once we've had the change to get some goodness in our systems and revisit it with a clear head?

So do I.

BTW - Snape.

Writer's Blog

So, it looks like I'm behind the times. Well, that's not entirely true. I've blogged before, but I'm one of those not-so-rare people that can sometimes shrug off said blog due to various reasons - not enough to say, too much to say but not knowing the right way to say it, laziness, researching for impending apocalypse. You know? The usual.

Well, today I start anew. Again.

Part of this is due to seeing some rather fantastic friends of mine blogging, and doing it so incredibly well that they make it look easy and fun to do. I liken this ability to an Olympic athlete who flips or throws himself in the air with such ease that the person watching at home (with little to no athletic experience, mind you) decides, "Hey, I can do that!" Of course, the result of his attempts undoubtedly end in a hospital stay and numerous broken bones. I don't think this will end the same way, but I am happy I have health insurance... just in case.

That being said, I would also like to mention this may be an attempt to sometimes relieve myself of writer's block. For anyone out there in the internet aether, I am attempting to write a book. One actually worth reading. This is, of course, easier said than done.

I will also mention that this is not my only way of trying to relieve writer's block, or just bring about inspiration. I am willing to share with the internet that I, embarrassingly enough, like to pace around with my iPod in a dark room (no distractions) to try and get ideas. Sometimes it works, and sometimes my mind just wanders to general silliness and I make myself giggle while Pandora plays Bruno Mars.

So, my fellow aether dwellers, do any of you have a weird way that you deal with writer's block?