NaNoooo WriMore!

Sorry, guys. It's been a while. I'd love to tell you all that I spent the last several months traveling the world and writing volumes and volumes of world-changing prose. That would be a lie. An awesome one, but a lie nonetheless.

Still, I have been writing! That's a plus.

Hands-down the most productive month I had as far as my story is concerned was November. I've forgotten just how much I can get done when I have someone working with me and I have a deadline. It's a process I'm going to try to expand through December, and maybe my ultimate goal of being finished with this thing by the end of the year won't be such a pipe dream after all.

I never thought I would be able to write more than 20k words in a month. I don't think I've ever actually written 20k words in a month, but it always seemed easier to tackle than 50k. I'm always a self-editor. A horrible one. I've probably edited the mess out of this post before hitting that wonderful/terrifying "publish" button. November forced me to deal with that problem of mine and realize I need to scale back on my perfection issues. More than that, it showed me Ican scale back. It wasn't always easy and I wasn't always successful, but I managed.

I should say that I ended up adding 30k words to my story over the course of last month. I more than doubled where I had been prior to November 1st. More than that, I was actually pretty pleased with what I churned out. Sure, I know there should be a lot more edits down the road, but it made me move forward when I may not have otherwise. I could still be stuck back around the first few chapters debating about whether my main character should say something a little different. I was able to accomplish this because a friend of mine helped set smaller goals and we worked on them together.

Each Sunday we would sit down and write 5000 words. No matter what, we would work until we hit that mark. We could always edit after Sunday, but it made us write without over-thinking. The goal of 5000 was also further broken down into half-hour increments. Start at 11am, write until you get to 500 words, if not past 500 words at 11:30 keep going, get snack, etc. I was surprised the first go-round how well this worked. By 8pm I was almost 6000 words richer than I had been before. It may be small, but it's certainly an accomplishment for someone who overly thinks about each word she is writing.

These little spurts every week helped me relax a little and focus on the details throughout the rest of the week. It was such an awesome exercise that I think it's something I'm going to continue to incorporate for as long as I can. I never realized how useful having such a set routine could be. It may not work for everyone, but for anyone who may be struggling to get through a story because of their perfectionist ways, I strongly encourage you try it.

Doubt (Not the Oscar Winning Kind)

After some more work on my story, and a lot of not working because of being busy with my day job, I've been struck again with that same fear that seems to rise up once you get past any significant milestone. It's that horrible nagging feeling in the back of your head that makes you feel torn into pieces and a little schizophrenic. That feeling is doubt.

I wonder how often other writers encounter this phenomenon. I have heard some of my friends express some of the same feelings I have, though perhaps at different times and in different ways. It all boils down to doubt, though. Doubting your ability, doubting the story, doubting the characters, etc. I could go on and on, but I doubt that's necessary.

Ha ha.

It doesn't help that there are articles and other blog posts out there that tell you that books are on their way out, that not everyone should be a writer, that what you have won't be accepted or read by a handful of people, let alone the masses you're hoping to reach. The world is doubting you along with it. It's just natural. It feels as if the world of writing can sometimes be a world of pessimissim.

Sometimes. Not always.

It's times like these where I have a good therapy session with myself. I try to get back to the reason I'm writing. Am I hoping to one day be read by the masses? Sure. Am I hoping that books aren't on their way out and people will want to take a chance on me? Of course. But, that's not why I'm writing. I'm writing because I enjoy it, because, as annoying as they can be, I believe in my characters. Because, as silly as it can be sometimes, I have a few wonderful, shining moments where I see my story as good. Potentially great. I enjoy bringing a new world with new people to life, even if it's just for me and for the people in my inner circle who have been patient enough with me and my perfectionist ways to read what I've allowed them to read.

I love that moment when a character writes him or herself and you want to slap them for what they're about to do, but you're also proud that they're making the decision on their own - like a stubborn child that grew up supernaturally fast. I love when that slight stroke of genius comes over me when I finally realize how to get the story from Point A to Point B, and to do so without feeling like it's work. No amount of doubt can take away the fact that I enjoy doing it, that I enjoy creating new people, new places, and new problems for said people to get into in said places. Doubt, at that point, becomes nothing more than a mild annoyance.

Will whatever I'm writing become a huge success? Probably not. However, I will still be happy for having written it, and I will continue to write for as long as my brain allows. I hope all of my fellow doubtful writers feel the same.

Head, Meet Desk

Still stuck.

On the plus side, I have had these moments many times before. I know where I need to go, I just need to figure out exactly how to get there. This is where my over analyzing everything comes into play. So, today's blog post is about perfectionism and the tireless, futile search for it.

I'm very sure that many, many writers, and just anyone in general, are overly critical of something (if not everything) they do. If it's something you want to devote your life to, then you become doubly so. Sure, there are outside pressures to be perfect and successful and all that, but most of it comes from some internal drive that tells you that you can't just be decent or good, you have to be great.

This is why I'm stuck.

It would be easy for me to just look at what I'm doing, shrug, write something inane down and continue to the next part that would come more freely. This is not an option. I'm going to use a terrible analogy here and say that writing something bad just to get to the easy part is like preparing for guests and cleaning your bathroom half-assed just so you can hurry up and prepare the wine and cake.

Now, I would LOVE to get to the wine and cake. I really would. But I would know that the bathroom of my story still looks like hell and people are going to see it. I can't let the bathroom of my story be seen by people, even if they aren't going to be staying in it very long and they surely know it can be cleaned eventually. That's not the point. That's the first impression they get of my story's bathroom.

So, instead, I'm the kind of person that will keep cleaning the bathroom, even once the guests have arrived and are wondering why we can't have fun yet. (I should mention that, in real life and not in a metaphorical way, this would never happen. Screw cleaning, I want wine and cake and general fun. This is still a metaphor. Just making sure we're still together.)

I'm now sounding mildly insane.

I know part of me should learn to let go. I know this is a valuable lesson in life for me, and for everyone with issues of perfection. The fact of the matter is, the bathroom of my story isn't going to be perfect unless professionals with professional tools get in there and help me do the job. So, obsessive bathroom cleaners, do you think it's time that we do what we can, acknowledge when it may be time to move on, and know that we can always go back to cleaning up the little mess we left behind once we've had the change to get some goodness in our systems and revisit it with a clear head?

So do I.

BTW - Snape.